I was wondering something about you.
In our quest to love our people well - our family, our friends and communities, do you ever feel like you just can't "get it together". Like you want to do well by these tiny humans, or your spouse or your friends or your mom, but you can't seem to meet your own standards of loving them well. Sometimes I feel like all of my imperfections, undetected issues, habits, shame and insecurities make me unqualified in some sort of way. Can you relate to me on that?
Here's what I would love for me and you to takeaway- often our default is to overlook where we realistically shine. I'm not suggesting we ignore the areas we need to grow. I'm pointing out that we usually trade attending to the simple strengths we bring to the table, for beating ourselves up in shame. I see many of you paying more attention to your downfalls than your strengths, myself included.
This is human nature, I think. It's hard to think about ourselves realistically. I'll speak for myself here, but it's easier, safer, to embrace shame than to honor my strengths and face my struggles.
I want to share with you the little pep talks I use for myself when I feel like I'm failing, or I'm just feeling like I can't get it together. Maybe something will resonate with you.
- Feelings aren’t fact
- My resume doesn’t dictate my identity or worth, my value is set in stone.
- My existence is a miracle, what are the odds?
- We naturally focus more on the bad than the good, so maybe I'm clouding reality.
- I am not defined by my worst moment, and I have many more great ones.
- I am not alone in feeling this way, someone else in the world is experiencing this right now too.
- Some people may not 'get' me, but some people really do. And both love me.
- Just because someone doesn't 'get' me, doesn't mean I'm inherently wrong.
- Our bodies and our hearts heal. I was designed to be resilient.
I like thinking about these mini pep talks because it pulls me out of any spiral of shame I may be circling. It helps me level the situation in a bit more reality which is that I am actually not what my shame voice is saying about me. It helps me set the stage for a little more grace.
The good news is that we live in reality, and in reality your shame is wrong about you.
You got this.