I was laughing with my friend this weekend as I reminisced about my swim team days.
I was a competitive swimmer growing up and if you know anything about this lifestyle - it's an intense place where children are trained as little swimming soldiers. My husband and I joke that we will never make our kids swim so they can have a childhood, and we can sleep.
That being said, I had the gift at a young age to learn how to persevere through pain, put in the hard hard work to achieve a goal and be fully responsible for the results.
I hated it.
(at times - and now I'm thankful!)
Competition was not for me. I looked to the lane to my left at the girl standing behind the block before a race and I thought, "She looks so confident. Does that mean she knows she can beat me? Shoot. I'm supposed to be confident too. But literally how am I supposed to know the future? It's ridiculous to act like I know the outcome of the race."
I remember cringing through the pain, trying to keep my mind sharp and 'athletic'. I came to the wall and flipped. As I pushed off back toward the starting wall with what felt like the last of my energy, I would tell myself things like, "Okay, you know what, this will all be alright. If you don't swim fast mom and dad will still love you. Jesus will still love you. You have a future ahead of you. It's all good! Just do your best! No worries!"
As I recapped this to my friend this weekend I laughed noting it wasn't quite the 'self talk' of champions.
My business is another story. The stakes are just as emotionally high for me, but I feel more drawn to the challenge of business than I ever did in the pool. My self talk is harsher at times and motivated at other times. Failure is still a bottomless trench that I tightrope across, with the need for 'self talk' to keep me from just diving in myself before I'm pushed.
But still, amidst the motivation and resilience and gritty self talk, I remember that at the rock bottom of failure: my mom and my dad and Jesus still love me. I have a future ahead of me. It will be alright.
I wonder what you tell yourself in the middle of a high stakes situation. I wonder what you remember while you vulnerably invest in something you care about. Every human needs to have a sense that no matter, whatever, could possibly happen, that we are loved and we are alright.
I hope you know it to your core.
All the love,